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28-Nov-2017 21:56

” Caleb asks Hanna about Mona, betraying the sad but unavoidable truth that Caleb has clearly not been paying attention to anything that has happened to anyone for the past seven seasons. Hanna Was it just me or was Hanna weirdly absent from this episode? Just because Emily and Ali are raising their demon babies (come on, you know that a half-Ali, half-Wren DNA situation will not end well for anyone) doesn’t mean the rest of these girls need to jump on the mommy track.

She is kind of sidelined here, like the show already dealt with the most important part of her life (marriage, apparently) and didn’t have anything left for her to do except continue to dress in such a way that makes me doubt her success in the fashion industry. This is particularly annoying because the show obviously wants its message to be that female friendship prevails over all threats foreign and domestic, even though the centerpiece of this finale is Ezra and Aria’s wedding and all of these girls’ next steps revolve around their relationships to men and/or their procreation plans.

Hastings’s whole deal — is not exactly all that original or exciting a concept. Mary Drake (last week: 7)Neat how Spencer and Alex are 24 years old in (what one assumes to be) the year 2017 and yet somehow Mary gave birth in the 1940s. Also Ezra was secretly working on a book about Aria and all her friends — and in his pursuit of the juiciest details about these underage subjects, he set up surveillance on all of them and stalked them 24/7.

(Like so many crazy twists we’ve seen on .) Maybe this would have been cool if it turned out that Alex was hanging around from the very beginning — like, “kissing Wren when he was engaged to Melissa in the pilot beginning — and had been part of the A team from day one. What I also love about that scene is how terrible Mr. This woman impregnated is obviously still in labor, but he just bolts from the scene with Spencer in his arms so he doesn’t find out about the twin. Was there not a safer place for unwanted youths than “the Ambrose Home for Wayward Children”? Who the hell was funding all this meticulously art-designed torture? ALSO, HE WAS YOUR DAUGHTER’S GODDAMN ENGLISH TEACHER AND STARTED HOOKING UP WITH HER WHEN SHE WAS LITERALLY 15 YEARS OLD, FOR THE LOVE OF STATUTORY RAPE LAWS. Addison (last week: not ranked)We’re supposed to believe this is so far in the future that high school students already have names like “Emerson,” but also so far in the cultural past that the popular girls are still using “lesbo” as an insult?

Considering the identity-shattering revelation here, Spencer keeps a very cool head and masterminds her escape from yet another fancy underground dungeon.

Not sure why this chick is a paralegal when she’s got the chops to be a Navy SEAL, but this show believes all our heroines can only be truly happy if they never, ever leave the small town where they grew up and were bullied, stalked, and tortured for more than half their lives.

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It comes about because the writers want to introduce a new character, but don't want to come up with a complex introduction where everyone meets them and learns what they're like- it's just plain easier (and lazier) to pretend that everyone automatically knows them, and the relationship is ready-made. " "Oh, this is my brother/sister whom I've never told you about," etc.

(I’m generally pro-brides not being so rigid about wearing white to every single wedding and wedding-adjacent event, for one thing, and also her eye makeup looks great.) I also like that she counters Ezra’s pouty-face about her infertility with, “It wasn’t about you, it was about me.” But then her first-choice wedding dress looks like an oversize Victorian nightgown, and her second dress is like a doily from Free People. I get that they’re identical twins but, oof, come on. In this tumultuous world, I guess I should just be grateful for the things that will never change, like how the Liars STILL do not go to the police when they are in danger (last week: not ranked)Based on the fact that Mona was able to smuggle Mary and Alex out of the country and trap them in her little Dollhouse prison, we are supposed to assume that the police officer she called wasn’t the real Rosewood PD, yes? Alex Drake (last week: not ranked)Spencer has an evil twin! Emily (last week: 12)For not the first but officially the last time, Emily was so inessential this week that I forgot to include her until I was reading this list over and saw that she was missing. I think a version of that advice exists for TV writers who always want to add ONE MORE thing to a show that already has more than enough of those things.

This is just like that time Buffy and Faith swapped bodies and Riley had sex with Buffy anyway, and I’m realizing just now as I type this that Toby is suchwhen Toby arrived with his Cheryl Strayed backpack on to inform Spencer, “We finished a well ahead of schedule” somewhere in Africa and that, after flying back to New York City, he walked to Rosewood. I’ll leave it to you attentive viewers to decide) almost have sex at the revamped Lost Woods resort, but end up playing sexy Scrabble like some kind of themed foreplay. All of you who called it, I tip my black hoodie to you. The only part gained from this leap into the not-that-distant future is the opportunity to see who can deliver the clunkiest plot exposition through dialogue. Byron Montgomery (last week: not ranked)I wanted to place Byron higher because he straight-up told Ezra to his face that he “never really worked to prove us wrong,” re: Ezra being bad news for dating Aria.

Can often occur in combination with Suspiciously Similar Substitute, when an actor is no longer available and a new character is quickly brought in with minimal introduction to fill the role.

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Well, my devoted, beloved power-ranking readers, it all came down to this: Our biggest, baddest big bad of them all was …

Is anyone invested in what went down at the next generation’s séance-y slumber party and/or if Addison is the new Alison?